stop right there. You’ve read the title, and already your mind is racing. What kind of deviant, onanistic journey are we about to embark on now?
I know the anticipation you’re feeling, that nervous excitement, the thrill of the taboo. What will he say? What will he say?
Well sorry to disappoint. You’ll just have to dust of Portnoy’s Complaint if that’s what you’re after. Or why not try Google. I’m led to believe that the internet offers a veritable plethora of sites designed to pander to your every whim, quite a few whims you haven’t thought of yet, and even a few that you would never of thought of even in the deepest darkest recesses of your twisted mind.
So hold you hard boy. (See there you go again, it’s a very common caution for restraint in these parts. so don’t go getting all excited)
The thing i intend to propound as the most satisfying thing you can do with your hands is, i’m afraid, far more mundane.
There were a few contenders. I’m not alone in enjoying the piercing of the foil on a jar of hot chocolate. I get an unearthly pleasure from the careful removal of a vinyl record from its sleeve, and the lowering of the stylus into the groove. An opportunity, which in the great vastness of time, has been bestowed on just a few generations, and denied to the vast mass of humanity which had the great misfortune to carry the mortal coil either side of twentieth century.
But top of the list for me must be…….
The careful use of both hands, the smooth slide of a straight edge against a curving wall, The satisfaction in producing the perfect edge., the knowledge of an important step towards more pleasure to come.
Yes, you’ve guessed. The most satisfying thing you can do with your hands, is….
to trim a pie.
Holding the blade in one hand, raise the pie on the outstretched fingers of the other. With a smooth downward motion cut the overlapping pastry lid, whilst rotating the pie dish.
Mmmm what a feeling.